Sure had me laffin'

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Bill in Oregon
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Posts: 8849
Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2008 10:05 am
Location: Sweetwater, TX

Sure had me laffin'

Post by Bill in Oregon »

Apologies if y'all have seen this. I had not.

:lol:

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19:Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.
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Blaine
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Re: Sure had me laffin'

Post by Blaine »

:lol: :lol: My Dear 5 year old Daughter hid in a rack of clothing. I was going nuts trying to find her, and she jumped out and BOO! We had a little talk about that sort of thing... :lol: :lol:
The Rotten Fruit Always Hits The Ground First

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piller
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Location: South of Dallas

Re: Sure had me laffin'

Post by piller »

The Code 3 was funny. Wal Mart uses color codes for most emergencies. There is no code tan or code magenta. I wonder if that would work.
D. Brian Casady
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
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gamekeeper
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Location: Over the pond unfortunately.

Re: Sure had me laffin'

Post by gamekeeper »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
If more men loved and cherished their wives as much as I love bacon the world would be a much better place.
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Borregos
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Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:40 am
Location: Ontario, Canada

Re: Sure had me laffin'

Post by Borregos »

Do you have someone tailing me??
Pete
Sometimes I wonder if it is worthwhile gnawing through the leather straps to get up in the morning..................
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