How to get out of shopping with the wife

[RIHMFIRE]

take boxes of condoms & tampons and randomly
put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

go to the Service Desk and insist on putting a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.

While handling guns in the hunting department at walmart,
he asked the clerk, where the antidepressants were.

Hide in a clothing rack at Victoria Secrets
and when women browsed through, yell
'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

Go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait
awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
toilet paper in here.

[JReed]

[BwanaDave]

Mess your pants, works every time.

[Nath]

Grab a gun and run to the woods, thats whats I does,,,,

Nath.

[FWiedner]

Say "No."

[madman4570]

What I used to do a couple times was grab and hold on my wifes belt loop while acting mentally challanged.As she gets embarrassed and starts prying/pushing my hand away I then started crying loudly and shuffling quickly right on her heels still holding on.
Last time I did this was at Walmart and an old lady walked up and gave my wife a very dirty look. She then reached in her cart and pulled out a order of french fries (she must have bought at the small McDs there.
I was so embarrassed at that point I said in a challenged sort of way---"tank ooh" and shoved the whole handful in my mouth.She smiled and kissed my cheek and that was the last time I ever did that

I felt like a idiot(not really thinking about the whole picture) Dumb move!
So much so I now volunteer some of my time teaching challenged people how to play basketball at a summer camp 1 week every August.Really it amazes me how honest and how hard they try!

[kimwcook]

I'm with Wiedner, just say "No". It works some times.

[Mokwaw]

I really don't mind going to the mall in Ft. Wayne. I tell the wife go do her thing and I will be at the water fountain in front of J.C. Penny with a frozen coke at big salty soft pretzel, or at Barnes & Noble with nice book and cold tea.

[papabear]

just put your mirrored shoes on and walk next to her with a big smile she will tell you to stay home

[piller]

I got lucky, my wife would rather shop the gardening section of Home Depot than any mall. If I can keep her out of bookstores, then I don't have to worry about her spending much.

[model55]

wouldn't flatulence work?

[El Chivo]

tell her "Ok, but first we have to stop at Cabela's"

[KSRtrd]

3 magic words "I am broke"

[NonPCnraRN]

Just take your wife to Victoria's Secret, walk up to the salesperson with a thong and ask if they have one in your size to try on. Your wife will never make you shop with her again. Ask me how I know.