making beer... Always something more important.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
That's when the fight started.
_____________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
_____________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and stealthily slipped into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the truck and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
Time for Plan B.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, slipped back into bed and cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation.
I whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My wife replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
That's how the fight started...
_______________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 180 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
That's how the fight started......
______________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later as I didn't have my wallet.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt."
Always curious, I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
That's when the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "At least your eyesight's perfect."
And then the fight started........
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I rear-ended a car this morning. The driver got out of the other car, and I was surprised to see that he was a dwarf.
He looked up at me and said, "I am NOT Happy!"
Still shocked, I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"
That's how the fight started...
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One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a lavish, very expensive cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied, "You still haven't used the gift I bought you last year."
That's how the fight started.
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