OT/Humor: It's a Blonde, Blonde, Blonderful World !

[Pete44ru]

DISNEYLAND

Two blondes decided to visit Disneyland .
They were nearly there, driving on the Interstate, when they saw a sign that said: Disneyland - LEFT.
They started crying, turned around and went home.


FLORIDA OR THE MOON

Two blondes, in Oklahoma, were talking one day, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says, 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'


CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he worked on it for a few minutes, he got it idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just cxxp in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'


SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stopped a blonde for speeding, and asked her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license, and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK

This blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank - 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river, then shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'


AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office, and told the doctor that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched, made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no', she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'


KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!', the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'


BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'


IN A VACUUM

It was the blonde's turn, playing Trivial Pursuit one night... She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature". Her question was, 'If you're in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

TIMELY,

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

AND, FINALLY.....

CRABBY

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs, and asked a blond stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for their staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behaviour.
Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom, to announce to the entire cabin: "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise his hand."
Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.

2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.
.

.

[Terry Murbach]

OKAY PETE....BACK ON YOUR MEDS....BE A GOOD BOY NOW...

[JReed]

[Rusty]

that came close to a case of overload.

[Ysabel Kid]

"Watch dogs"

[NonPCnraRN]

A grocery store clerk got on the intercom and asked for a price check for Tampax. The blonde courtesy clerk thought she heard the word tacks and responded for the whole store to hear: "Do you want the kind that you push in with your thumb or whack with a hammer?"

How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

PS: I've already taken my meds, this is a good as I get.