Useful tool information

[Wind]

Description of common tools

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in
the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the
freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the
corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes
fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about
the time it takes you to say, 'Oh s h --'

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

ADJUSTABLE WRENCH:
Used to start
the process of rounding off bolt heads. Sometimes used in
the creation of knuckle
abrasions.

PLIERS:
Used to complete the process of rounding off bolt heads.
Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked,
unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence
its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers completely round off bolt
heads. They can also be used to transfer intense
welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects
in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease
inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a
bearing race.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC JACK:
A tool used for
raising a car to change a flat tire that seldom
fits under a car with a flat
tire.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you
have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack
handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops
to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more
easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of
the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for
opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil
on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to
strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert
common slotted screws into non-removable screws and
butchering your palms.

WIRE CUTTERS:
Handy
for cutting wires and zip ties.. Can also be used to
determine the presence of electricity.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent
part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays
is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most
expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in
plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and
rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work
clothes and fingers, but only while in use.

DAMMIT TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage
while yelling 'Dammit' at the top of your
lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you
will need.

[20cows]

At least I use them for their intended purpose.

[eric65]

Well said, we all can relate,I'm sure.

[Ysabel Kid]

Hey Wind, are you hinding out in my workshop?!

[AJMD429]

My deceased uncle would have LOVED that post...

[Sixgun]

Geeeeze, I think I wrote those descriptions. I really like the one on the drill press. I have winged more stuff around with one of those than you can shake a stick at.

The wire wheel/carding wheel---I probably have $200 worth of Winchester screws laying in all sorts of nooks and crannies.------------Sixgun

[CEMENTHEAD]

Normal for me !!

Thanks, Tom

[kimwcook]

Yep, being a mechanic for a large portion of my life I can relate on a very personal level.

[Ben_Rumson]

Good ones! On the wire wheel, I’d add it also flings it’s broken wires into your fingers or the back of your hand...

[3leggedturtle]

Good ones! On the wire wheel, I’d add it also flings it’s broken wires into your fingers or the back of your hand...

YEAH wire wheels are like frying bacon, ya need to wear a shirt lest you get nailed in spots not used to slivers and pain

[GonnePhishin]

Wind,

I love this post and your descriptions, It really cracks me up!!
How many of us can relate to this, I know I can