OXY-MORONS

[COSteve]

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas: What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

[TedH]

[1894c]

usually a "wiseguy" is a made-man in good standing of one of the Five Families... :)

[jeepnik]

Steve, you have waaaaay too much time on your hands. Go find a gun and shoot it. You'll feel better.

[Ji in Hawaii]

Shouldn't meteorologists study meteors?
Shouldn't hemorrhoids be called asteroids?

[COSteve]

Steve, you have waaaaay too much time on your hands. Go find a gun and shoot it. You'll feel better.

Unfortunately, I can't take credit for this as it was sent to me.

Shouldn't meteorologists study meteors?
Shouldn't hemorrhoids be called asteroids?

Sounds right to me.

Also, why don't they call a 'hysterectomy' a 'hersterectomy'?

[dennie]

Wow, this makes me want to go find something to do!
dennie

[DixieBoy]

Was Ben really Gay ?

Did Wilson really Pick It ?

- DixieBoy

[piller]

Steve, you have waaaaay too much time on your hands. Go find a gun and shoot it. You'll feel better.

Unfortunately, I can't take credit for this as it was sent to me.

Shouldn't meteorologists study meteors?
Shouldn't hemorrhoids be called asteroids?

Sounds right to me.

Also, why don't they call a 'hysterectomy' a 'hersterectomy'?

Because they believed they were removing whac caused women to have hysterical fits.

Now, why do you have a pair of pants? Wouldn't a pair of anything that is plural be a total of 4?

[Old Ironsights]

...Now, why do you have a pair of pants? Wouldn't a pair of anything that is plural be a total of 4?

Because a "pant" was once the designation for a hip-length legging for one leg. A "pair" of "pants" was two hip length leggings that were conjoined by a codpiece... a belted jock-strap that held up both each Pant and the dangly bits in the middle.

Kilts were/are much more efficient...

[stew71]

Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?

[JohndeFresno]

And Archie was right when he called one doctor a groinocologist!

[COSteve]

Steve, you have waaaaay too much time on your hands. Go find a gun and shoot it. You'll feel better.

Unfortunately, I can't take credit for this as it was sent to me.

Shouldn't meteorologists study meteors?
Shouldn't hemorrhoids be called asteroids?

Sounds right to me.

Also, why don't they call a 'hysterectomy' a 'hersterectomy'?

Because they believed they were removing whac caused women to have hysterical fits.

Now, why do you have a pair of pants? Wouldn't a pair of anything that is plural be a total of 4?

I heard about the hysteria link, just using a play on the sound of words, i.e. 'him' vs 'her'