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Welcome to the Leverguns.Com General Discussions Forum. This is a high-class place so act respectable. We discuss most anything here other than politics... politely.
Please post political post in the new Politics forum.
And my apologies to Nath, Gamekeeper, Perry Owens and other Brits who may be offended...
Old No7
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
[attachment=0]The Queen.jpg[/attachment] To the former Citizens of the United States of America -- from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
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3. July the 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
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4. You will learn to resolve all personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on Petrol (which you have been calling gas or gasoline) of roughly $10.00/US gallon. Get used to it.
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8. You will learn to make real "chips". Those things you call French Fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling Potato Chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ketchup -- but with vinegar.
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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. (All American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine", so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.)
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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
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11. You will cease playing American Football immediately. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play Rugby (which has some similarities to American Football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
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12. Further, you will stop playing Baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will all learn Cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
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13. You must tell us who killed JFK. Really! It's been driving us mad...
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14. An Internal Revenue Agent (i.e. a Tax Collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
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Actually that would suit all the Democrats quite well, and the RINO faction of the Republicans, as well as the Moocher Class [welfare-moms, crony-capitalists, most unions], as well as all the low-information voters.
That leaves us levergunners, little-L libertarians, real Republicans, and various educated ne'r-do-wells, hillbillies, and rednecks who would object...
Doctors for Sensible Gun Laws "first do no harm" - gun control LAWS lead to far more deaths than 'easy access' ever could.
Interestingly Aussies don't use the "U"
True on the chips and beer
Real men play rugby
Actors - no worse than British actors trying to play Americans.
David Cameron - "Love that Guy" you will too.
Eliz loves the US. But do you want Charlie as King of America?
I'd have thought Her Majesty would have made you all drink tea, expensively taxed too.........
It would be an interesting situation, I would expect an immediate revolution.
Of course the the new continental army and militia would be made up of REAL Americans, Obama/Clinton voters need not apply......
Whatever you do always give 100%........... unless you are donating blood.
Queen Elisabeth II has more class and panache in her right little finger than the entire US government has had since Eisenhower's administration.
"IF" she actually did rule Britannia I'd wager the farm life there would be very different in a better way.
Would I want the Brits to try to retake our country? Sure, they can have the area covered by the 13 original colonies with all the leftists, slimy communists and blood suckers thrown in, and us real Americans will Keep everything west of that.
Seriously though, we do need a new crew in DC and not just the ones we elect, all of them need to be replaced.
Joe
***Be sneaky, get closer, bust the cap on him when you can put the ball where it counts .***
Nah, one nuke and their done. Now there would be a "shot" heard round the world.
Last edited by jeepnik on Tue Oct 18, 2016 5:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Jeepnik AKA "Old Eyes"
"Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark" The old Sarge (he was maybe 24.
"Freedom is never more that a generation from extinction" Ronald Reagan
"Every man should have at least one good rifle and know how to use it" Dad
I am watching a series about the Japanese occupying the west coast and a nazis occupying the east coast of the good olde USA. I am surprised they did not get Edward VIII to be the new King. I think they entertained the thought if they invaded England. Anyway this is how we could do it.
Have a referendum!
Who do you want to rule the USA?
1. Hillary?
2. Donald?
3. Constitutional Monarch?
4. None of the above?
Crikey I always thought the Aussies spelt "colour" "color"
KiwiKev wrote:I am watching a series about the Japanese occupying the west coast and a nazis occupying the east coast of the good olde USA. I am surprised they did not get Edward VIII to be the new King. I think they entertained the thought if they invaded England. Anyway this is how we could do it.
Have a referendum!
Who do you want to rule the USA?
1. Hillary?
2. Donald?
3. Constitutional Monarch?
4. None of the above?
Crikey I always thought the Aussies spelt "colour" "color"
You missed out #5 The People.
Whatever you do always give 100%........... unless you are donating blood.
J Miller wrote:Seriously though, we do need a new crew in DC and not just the ones we elect, all of them need to be replaced.
It won't likely happen - too many "sportsmen and gun owners" won't bother to vote (as usual).
Plus, too many soccer-moms who don't pay that much attention to the complex issues are just going to vote for the one with genitalia they can relate to, who doesn't say boorish things.
Doctors for Sensible Gun Laws "first do no harm" - gun control LAWS lead to far more deaths than 'easy access' ever could.
