Humor -- Marriage quotes

[alnitak]

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-- David Bissonette
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After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
-- Sacha Guitry
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By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates
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Woman inspires us to great things, ... and prevents us from achieving them.
-- Anonymous
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The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
-- Dumas
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I had some words with my wife, ... and she had some paragraphs with me.
-- Sigmund Freud
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
-- Anonymous
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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
-- Sam Kinison
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I've had bad luck with both my wives...
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.
-- James Holt McGavra
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Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-- Patrick Murra
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
-- Nash
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You know what I did before I married?
...
Anything I wanted to.
-- Anonymous
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years...

Then we met.
-- Henny Youngman
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
-- Anonymous
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First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
-- Anonymous

[TedH]

[Brian in FL]

Them is some right funny quotes.

The secret of a happy marriage is to learn to use two words ... yes dear.
-- Me

[mescalero1]

I know why I am still single.

[Rusty]

Yep, marriage is like a tub of really hot water. Once you get into it, it really ain't so hot.

[piller]

I can't remember what it is like to finish my own sentences anymore. And they don't sound anything like what I was thinking.

[rjohns94]

oh my, so wrong in so many ways

[Gun Smith]

One word from her and I do just as she pleases.

One word from me and she does just as she pleases.

Can you imagine living with a women for 52 years?



I don't have to, I have!

[rhead]

Any man who remarries did not really deserve to get rid of the first one.

[Rusty]

Marriage is grand!

Divorce is 30 grand.

[mescalero1]

rhead,
You hit the nail on the head.

[Rusty]

Two ranchers were talking one day and the first one said Slim how long have you been married?

Slim said well, the 15th of this month it will be 50 years. Wow said the first rancher that's really something, are you going to do anything special? Slim said well on our 25 wedding anniversary I took her to Dallas. I thought for our 50th I might go back down and pick her up.

[winchester1886]

Divorce never .......murder often.

[ole pizen slinger]

A few more...

Marriage is the proposition in which a man will give away half of his groceries so he can get the other half cooked.

A man to his wife--"I finally figured out what the preacher meant when he said, 'For better or for worse.' You couldn't a done no better and I couldn't a done no worse."

Most men become gentlemen when they get married. They will stand and hold the door open while the wife carries in the groceries.

A man to his wife--"You know, I finally figured you women out. You come into the world half crazy and go down hill from there."

Women don't become good housekeepers until they get divorced.

[Brian in FL]

On June 15, we celebrate our 40th. My, how time flies.

[awp101]

On June 15, we celebrate our 40th. My, how time flies.

Congrats! July will be 12 for us.

Two ranchers were talking one day and the first one said Slim how long have you been married?

Slim said well, the 15th of this month it will be 50 years. Wow said the first rancher that's really something, are you going to do anything special? Slim said well on our 25 wedding anniversary I took her to Dallas. I thought for our 50th I might go back down and pick her up.

[NonPCnraRN]

When you said: "Till Death Do Us Part!", you didn't realize you were setting a goal! Walter/Jeff Dunham