Laffs making the rounds
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- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 9104
- Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2008 10:05 am
- Location: Sweetwater, TX
Laffs making the rounds
Had not seen these, but you just know they are real ...
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.”
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.”
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.”
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?”
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.”
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?”
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”
AND THE WINNER IS….
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.”
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.”
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.”
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?”
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.”
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?”
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”
AND THE WINNER IS….
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Re: Laffs making the rounds
From the Chippy to me referring to my Jeep. “I didn’t think these things could go that fast”.
Jeepnik AKA "Old Eyes"
"Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark" The old Sarge (he was maybe 24.
"Freedom is never more that a generation from extinction" Ronald Reagan
"Every man should have at least one good rifle and know how to use it" Dad
"Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark" The old Sarge (he was maybe 24.
"Freedom is never more that a generation from extinction" Ronald Reagan
"Every man should have at least one good rifle and know how to use it" Dad
Re: Laffs making the rounds
I got stopped in my old Pinto one day and the Officer said, "I clocked you at 87 mph. Why were you driving 87 mph?"
I answered, "Because it wouldn't go any faster! I had it wide open."
He did think that was funny.
I answered, "Because it wouldn't go any faster! I had it wide open."
He did think that was funny.
Re: Laffs making the rounds
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I REALLY liked #9...…….
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I REALLY liked #9...…….
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- crs
- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 3154
- Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2007 10:32 am
- Location: Republic of Texas
- Contact:
Re: Laffs making the rounds
Thanks for the chuckles.
CRS, NRA Benefactor Member, TSRA, DRSS, DWWC, Whittington Center
Android Ballistics App at http://www.xplat.net/
Android Ballistics App at http://www.xplat.net/
- Carlsen Highway
- Levergunner 2.0
- Posts: 487
- Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 8:23 am
- Location: Dunedin, New Zealand
Re: Laffs making the rounds
When I failed to use my blinkers on a turn, the police officer behind stopped me, stuck his head in the window briefly and had a look around and said, "So, this model doesn't have an indicator huh?"
A person who carries a cat home by the tail, will receive information that will always be useful to them.
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
Re: Laffs making the rounds
At least he didn’t ask if the blinker fluid was low.
Jeepnik AKA "Old Eyes"
"Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark" The old Sarge (he was maybe 24.
"Freedom is never more that a generation from extinction" Ronald Reagan
"Every man should have at least one good rifle and know how to use it" Dad
"Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark" The old Sarge (he was maybe 24.
"Freedom is never more that a generation from extinction" Ronald Reagan
"Every man should have at least one good rifle and know how to use it" Dad
Re: Laffs making the rounds
That's what we call a "two-fer"!!Bill in Oregon wrote: ↑Thu May 02, 2019 3:12 pm AND THE WINNER IS….
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Taught her 2 lessons that day...
Old No7
"Freedom and the Second Amendment... One cannot exist without the other." © 2000 DTH
Re: Laffs making the rounds
I find those who can keep some humor in a stressful job to be the best to work with. If you can find a way to not get too stressed, you are probably doing your job well.
Last time I was stopped I got a warning. It worked. I have stayed within the limit on that road since then. The Cedar Hill officer was polite and professional. I sort of feel as if we made a deal. He let me off with a warning, and I have slowed down when in Cedar Hill.
Last time I was stopped I got a warning. It worked. I have stayed within the limit on that road since then. The Cedar Hill officer was polite and professional. I sort of feel as if we made a deal. He let me off with a warning, and I have slowed down when in Cedar Hill.
D. Brian Casady
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
Quid Llatine Dictum Sit, Altum Viditur.
Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost
Re: Laffs making the rounds
Then there's what some call "morgue humor". It's not really funny, but it keeps you sane.
Jeepnik AKA "Old Eyes"
"Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark" The old Sarge (he was maybe 24.
"Freedom is never more that a generation from extinction" Ronald Reagan
"Every man should have at least one good rifle and know how to use it" Dad
"Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark" The old Sarge (he was maybe 24.
"Freedom is never more that a generation from extinction" Ronald Reagan
"Every man should have at least one good rifle and know how to use it" Dad