HUMOR - Why, Why, Why?

[Old Ironsights]

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?


Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?


Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?


Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?


Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?


Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?


Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?


If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?



Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?


Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?


Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?


Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?


How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?


When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'


Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?


In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? (I don't get this one... I keep my house 55 in winter and 75 in summer... and only gripe about the summer because at 75 I can't keep the humidity tolerable to this desert rat...)


How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

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The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

[awp101]

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

I can actually answer this one...

A helmet was part of the standard pilot gear.

Much of what we have been taught regarding the kamikaze is inaccurate.

Contrary to popular belief, not every kamikaze mission was a one way affair and the usual load-out included full fuel tanks. This not only increased the damage caused but also allowed the pilots to return to base in case the mission failed to find a target.

The kamikaze pilots were generally new and inexperienced so they were given experienced fighter escorts to guide them to the target and protect them from American patrols or an experienced bomber crew would be assigned to guide them (similar to B29s guiding escort fighters from Iwo to Japan).

Except for the earliest missions in and around the Philippines, many kamikaze pilots WERE NOT volunteers. Yes, there were those who volunteered but many who did not volunteer were informed they were now part of the kamikaze program. Some accepted the news stoically, resigned to their fate but determined to serve the Emperor and the honor of their family. Others spent every waking moment not on duty in a drunken stupor.

Much of this was related to me by a gentleman who was doing research on the kamikaze for a book. Being fluent in Japanese he got a rare opportunity to interview a handful of men selected for kamikaze duty that either did not find a target on their missions, were acting as escorts or were still in training when the war ended. Some of the information came from some recent books and documentaries I've run across.

My interest in the kamikaze stems from my Grandfather. He was on the USS Nashville when it was struck in one of the first kamikaze attacks. It was during the battle of Leyte Gulf in 1944 (IIRC). Every once in a while when I was growing up, he would make a general statement about being in a kamikaze attack but never really said much else about it. It wasn't until a couple of years ago that he finally told me more of the story and it still shook him up some 60 years later.

[Rusty]

AWP,

It would be nice if you could relate the story.


Not to hijack the thread but I heard of a group of Americans who were talking with some Japanese after the war. They were somewhat belittling the Japanese for the Kamikaze attacks. One of the Japanese officers asked the question"Do you love your country?" To which the Americans said yes. He asked "Do you love your country enough to die for it?" To the man they all said yes. He looked at them and said , well so do I.

[Bogie35]

Hilarious!

[stretch]

There's enough material there for a doctoral thesis! Holy Cow!!

Interesting post on the Kamikaze. Lotsa folks dont' realize what a
last-ditch, desparate effort the Kamikaze program was. The Japanese
knew when they saw American fleets from horizon to horizon that they
hadn't a prayer of stopping them by conventional means. An airplane
for an airplane carrier was considered a good trade.

[Ysabel Kid]

[Bogie35]

Also,

Why do people speak louder to people who don’t speak their language?

Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

Why do buttons have the word “press” printed on them?

Why do men have nipples?

[3leggedturtle]

Thats a new one, never thought about Tarzan being clean shaven. Also Jane leggs were very clean and smoth with no stubble. AND one night Tarzan came home, and instead of having a shot of whiskey he asked for a double, Jane looks all concerned and asks why whats wrong. Tarzan looks at her and says "Jane, ITS A JUNGLE OUT THERE"

[Lastmohecken]

AWP,

It would be nice if you could relate the story.


Not to hijack the thread but I heard of a group of Americans who were talking with some Japanese after the war. They were somewhat belittling the Japanese for the Kamikaze attacks. One of the Japanese officers asked the question"Do you love your country?" To which the Americans said yes. He asked "Do you love your country enough to die for it?" To the man they all said yes. He looked at them and said , well so do I.

This reminds me of two stories.

The first one is about my Father in law, who served in the navy, during WWII. He saw several of the Kamikaze planes attack the ships he was with. For the entire rest of his life, he hated the Japanese, and would not knowingly buy anything made in Japan.

The other story involves a neighbor who has passed on now, but fought in the philipines, and saw a lot of action. He never would buy anything made in Japan, either. The sorta funny part of his story is, for the rest of his life, he would occasionally go on a drunken binge and go into the woods with his rifle for a while. I think his wife even called the law on him a few times, but the local law knew his history of jungle warfare, and would never go after him. My dad always said the law was afraid to go after him. At anyrate, He would always eventually sober up and come home.

[El Chivo]

Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

Apparently a parkway is not for parking but is "...a broad public way, divided into drives, bridle paths, walks, and planting strips...

so it's a miniature park.

A driveway isn't for parking, either. The driveway is there as a place to drive to the garage for parking, as opposed to just driving on the front lawn. The garage is for parking, not for storing bicycles and exercise equipment and old toys.



http://dpw.lacounty.gov/services/roads/ ... policy.pdf